thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
