i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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