first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
