I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize