i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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