u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
