i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
