Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize