she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
