This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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