The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
