And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
