i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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