he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My feet surprised me
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
