i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
