I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize