arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
