how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
