have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
