she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
