mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Of course I have a pirate flag
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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