Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
