She said her name was "party"
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
why is half of my head shaved?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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