K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I wannas sexs uuuuu
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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