I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
