paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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