I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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