I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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