did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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