3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I still have a little drunk in my system
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
