I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
