dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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