In the future we'll all be gay
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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