It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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