i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
