how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
