Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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