My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
