called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
