just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
