so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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