so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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