hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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