Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
