He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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