I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I am full of burrito and curiosity
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
