im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
