remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
