I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
