Four minutes until I can fart!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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