Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
