6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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