I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
