He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize