In America we eat man semen.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
