Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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