so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
