Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Vodka?
Forever.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
