Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
