well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
