I like to think it a success when the cops are called
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
