All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
