My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
