Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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