I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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