turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
