Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
