bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
