theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
