i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
