So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize