well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
